I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
