WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
