"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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