You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
