We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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