i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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