question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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