we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
