Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
