so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
