Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
