My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
