my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
