it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
