I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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