I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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