Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
