Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my sisters under your porch take her home
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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