I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
