He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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