I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize