I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
