drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
