You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
