Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
