did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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