I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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