we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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