I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
