What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
