What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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