don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
