so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
