the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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