did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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