had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize