I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Send help, water and tortillas.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
