I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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