There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize