We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
