Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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