Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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