brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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