ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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