last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
