Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
two words...techno handjob
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
