Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
