Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
