I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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