Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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