dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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