just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
