i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
