I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
