Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
