I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
