idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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