what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
