Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
