Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
