Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
