Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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