i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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