I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
