definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
